I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
