Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize