There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
