I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
