Me. At least after what I've been through.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
