Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
