I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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