I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
