She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
