Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
