Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
