guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
