My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
