You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
