Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize