U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
