Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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