I think I am morally bankrupt
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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