The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
