k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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