I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize