Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
