Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
