you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
