this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
