I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
