There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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