Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
