I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
