omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
