Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This couple is walking their pig around campus
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
