So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
