soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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