i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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