my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Randomize
