Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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