sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize