This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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