yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
