You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
