What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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