my sisters under your porch take her home
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
