my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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