Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
