TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My ass is underappreciated
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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