I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
