he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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