I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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