Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
