Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
birth control should be required to get into college
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
