every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
