Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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