I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
