I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
