i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
