I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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