When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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