he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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