I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
