Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize