Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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