He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize