my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
