2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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